I just survive praying to God that one day we will be united. His sister, my Mum died when I was 13 & lived in Ireland (he lived in the UK), our life turned inside out, no real help, Father ignored us, out looking for another & drinking heavily. We had no idea our child was depressed or suicidal. I dont have a lot of emotional stamina to fake it anymore. Children are grown doing well, there are 12 grandchildren, 4 great grand children, and me . Its an ongoing struggle every day. This year, it seems as if my thoughts revolve around all the treatment my deceased wife got that didnt help, treatments she could have received, and a yearning for one more. One more smile, a hug, a kiss, a conversation, a meal together. But life sure is hard at times and not having my kids to support me and love me and just be there for me its hard but I am a survivor always have been and I always will be. I hate my life and wish to die daily. I lost my wife 14 months ago, we So I dont open to her, she has a lot of anger, which doesnt help me at all. Wew!! I have no one to ground me to this life. I suppose I will keep going on but no one will ever have my heart ever again like my wife did. Went to grief group, it helped a little, but like you at the end of the day your still alone. His wife passed away 20 years ago and he was left to raise 2 small boys. I will be praying for both of us. I lost my wife after 37 years of marriage. Im so sorry. I hope you have found it and are working your way through all of this that we are all battling. But I have three grown Kids. you feel the loss even greater i feel. I dont want to hear it so I dont go out anymore. Its just that sometimes a song, a memory, or something someone says rips it open again, and you have to let all the emotions out so you can heal again. I just feel it,s getting worse. James, thats so weird what you said about feathersMy husband, a brilliant artist, died very suddenly last February a ruptured aorta just like his Dad and immediately in the garden wherever I was, were tiny, white feathers right near me. I have read your posts and want to share a couple discoveries that may help take the edge off your suffering and pain. So nothing. However, in my experience, I did not want to live after I lost my wife..for most of the year. Thank God for His presents in my life along with my Two Dogs that my husband loved so much. I look up at the sky and think of my husband all the time. I have never recovered and the se ond christmas this year is,worse than last year. I lose my husband two weeks ago. Theres little relief and not having my husband of 41 yrs here with me is suffocating. Maybe it is because we all thought if we made it to the first anniversary how could the pain not ease up. i have so little motivation to work. Just really seeking how to get my joy and my life back to something bearable. But there is no clock on grief and it is such an important message to get across. I am short tempered and any direct insult toward me sets me off. Im angry at everyone, especially myself. Very sorry for your loss and the passing of your husband, please accept my condolences. So. RIP. Year number 1 I was numb. You pick up the pieces and go on, to create a new life for you. you learn to live with it, this is so true. grief come anytime. I pray I will soon be better. Its hard for me to keep a job or any type of relationship. Passed from pancreatic cancer. We were married for 55 years and planned on living to the age of 90 and then we would be ready for God to call us home when he wanted to. So lets make the best of the life we have. This breaks my heart to read. 2 and half months without seeing her smile and hearing her voice pains me a lot and now the thought of not growing up with her kills me 1 minute at a time. We had problems for a while because of her addiction that she had struggle with for a few years from Pain medication and anxiety and other mental health medication. And amid the lessening, there are still periods where you feel as though its the 2nd month all over again. Everyone talks about how difficult it is to talk about your feelings, due to know wanting to hear it or they think its time to move on. Who knows, but you are on your schedule. I try to keep moving forward but sometimes feel stuck. Since I lost my son. Thanks for this. I am in a grievance class hoping it will help. I am about 17 months out. I cry all the time, my co-workers dont even ask anymore because they know. Now and then there are good moments that let me see how lucky I was to have him in my life. I feel like Im back at stage 1. The first year was the hardest woke up crying and fell asleep crying. He died in his sleep. My fathers started dating someone who slanders her and her opinion of me, and even though I know shes wrong and never met her it hurts so badly. The one I turned too for deep discussions, uplifting when I was upset over something and just encouragement when needed. I will never be happy on his journey, I have to find my own. Right now, choose life - seize your divine moment. We had 19 beautiful years together and 3 children the youngest being 10. He died from septic shock brought on from diverticulitis in a little over 30 hours. Checked in with my little nephew to see how he's been holding uphe told me that he wish he had more time with her. When we finished, I went to my studio to work for a couple hours. Perhaps Im also very worn out as life has been tough & catching up with me. I still wake up in the morning thinking it's a nightmare and you're not really gone. I like many of you put on the false gleeful faade, but I am screaming inside. The body is never the same again, but healing does happen. I am grateful for the great love and happiness we shared. But my children are young 27 25 and 12. Hi, Ive only just come across this page after searching, Is it normal to still feel so much grief, 18 months into a loss of a loved one. Florida Statutes require you to submit the original Will to the clerk of the court within 10 days of the person passing, while Florida Statute says this, no one holds you to this rule for obvious reasons. Looking forward to days with joy again. Not a future without him, because we never lose them, but a future with him in your heart and so much new exciting stuff and people, in your life. I suggest a book by Megan Devine called Its Ok That Youre Not Ok. Blessings to each of you on your journey. Life is filled with pain and I cant find the balance without my husband. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, youll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. It's been 9 months since my sweet Louisa passed away. I left the day they told me my husband was dying g to get my two young adult children. It still hurts and i wish it didnt. My Father refused to talk about my Mum, I got out at age 17 & came to live in the UK. I dont know. I have been tearing up all day but not in a sad way. I try to get through each day but it is so extremely difficult as you all know. Ive had the best and no one can take his place. Hi Heather I miss you. I lived off cake, pie, candy & other sweets. At some point, you may even feel angry at your spouse for leaving you. But I miss my husband so much- its so hard ach and every day to continue on. Isolated judged alone. She could not even have a bowel movement without assistance. Your baby's memory expands quickly in their first year of life. Kim was DOA at the hospital and I couldnt face seeing the non living face of another sister. Well all be reunited with our loved ones one day. Twenty eight years of marriage was not enough. Two and a half years since my heart left. We would have had 28 years together next month. Holly, The first year was missing my wife and being sad for my daughters. - Unknown. But more so I feel awful for my mom. Jackie, you spoke the words of my heart. In readdmetion 10 yrs from 1989 ,,2018. Im only 2 months in after the loss of my husband. My friends are the best and try to understand, but until you go through it, you can never truly understand the depth of this kind of loss. Year two, is called the wake up year. Its not temporary but you will learn to live with it.You have to.I lost my wife of 33 years due to a terrible firearms accident.My uncle is 92 years old and we are very close.His time is limited.I know how you feel! My mums been gone 7 years tomorrow she passed away 23/03/2005 due to melanoma cancer I was 13 years old I was very young and that was . Peace be with you! My husband was a juvenile diabetic since his teen yrs. i found myself googling for months trying to understand the event how it happened and could i have avoided it. Lean on the lord. I was numb the first year, but now Its really hard. A year without you is almost too much to bear.". I lost my husband 4 years this September and I feel as I am still suffering terribly, but I find moments, sometimes hours and days where I am at peace. The last time I rubbed his arm and told him mom and I are here. She never loved anyone like I did my husband, and cannot fathom why I am still grieving after all he was a very sick man and he just couldnt have lasted longer. How do I start to heal? Im just beginning my second year after losing my husband of 50 years. My daughter is 15. But those grief waves keep on coming when you dont expect them. The first few months of the second have been harder for me than any of the FIRSTS of the first year, Miss him everyday, My mom passed last May of 2017 and it will barely be a year this May and I dont know why but I am having a hard time, harder then when she first passed. January 31st 2020 will be the 1st year of my honeys death. I find comfort in knowing we did everything we could together when we could. I have panic attacks. I am lost. I think the hardest part for me is that no one misses me if I dont come home at night after work or any other time for that matter, its incredibly frightening to be in this world alone. We had selected and paid for our weding bands. One day we will be together again. 14 months ago we were enjoying lunch together at home as we had for years. I am tired all the time, cant get rid of this upper respiratory infection, and have gained back most of the I was unaware that I had been in Survival Mode. I am trying to give something beautiful from him. though I am on a constant roller coaster ride. I am an unmarried single man of 46 years Mum lived with me. My throat always feels like Ive swallowed a big gobstopper. I will forever hate myself. Working and struggling just to make the next meal. He battled the beast for 21 months and never complained. ========================. We started a church 8 years ago with a small group of people and our lives were filled with helping others and spending time with our kids & grandkids. The reality is that Im still and will probably always grieve for him. Breast cancer took her from me and my three little babies (now 13 and 9 y/o). We have 4 daughters 24,21 and twin 15 year olds. It will be two years this month. Granted, it was the best way for him, but he was not sick, i had no warning. It helps to try and be as present in the moment as I can yet still I have no appetite. He was 47. On that day I broke down in tears. My prayers go out for all the ones who have lost a loved one. I was in the a state of shock and was just sick for weeks. I too lost the love of my life after 47yrs of marriage. We were married for 13 years. Ive said it many times: nothing, and I mean NOTHING, can prepare us for the finality of death. My whole life has been turned upside down. July 2018. I remember the 1st year being a blur. What to do now with the time Im given and the people before me? Nothing. He had 3 brain surgeries to help with inflammation and to kill the infection out. I dread Christmas. When I came out, I went looking for him. I dont say it will not be hard going into the future and I will not say tone is a healer. Every part of me wanted to share that news with him. So everyday I get up and miss them both terribly. Intense emotional pain and sorrow, sometimes with anger and bitterness. It all seems pointless. Amor Eterno My everything. My mom died of cancer in January 2017 so I am approaching the one year anniversary mark. Mike agreed to go on another one of my adventures. At the end of the dream he touched my shoulder and said he was ok with what I was now doing (I wont go into details about that), but, to be cautious of how I was spending my money. So, I knew he was not mad at me only concerned that I take care of myself and to make wise monetary decisions. I wish everyone the best who want to continue their struggles to go on. I miss you so much. He was my first love. my daughter whom i was very closed t passed away 18 months ago i miss her so we were like sisters i have lost any feelings i cannot cry y i want to but the tears will not come i used to be a lot of fun but now i just dwell on what has happened to lose daughter when she is part of u is the worse feeling i have tried to keep busy but nothing helps wish i could cry. Thats when my life changed. Or how about my whole immediate family thats destroyed. I still cry over losing him, his voice, his jokes, his love. Just keep pushing onward and live while you are still able to. Again, thank you and bless you all. Very impressive. Four month After losing him, I lost my job. - Unknown. He was my life. God Bless and Congratulations on your educational pursuits. I keep thinking if I pray hard enough, wish hard enough and love hard enough, he will come back to me. Theres no point to anything and Im not the mum I used to be. Wondering if others of you who are still grieving the loss of someone you loved very much, have been attacked like this, by so called friends, or family. My heart physically hurt so badly, that I prayed I would diethen and there. Im trying to keep positive for my other son but inside In broken. But you have to move on for you, for your loss, to continue through life. I think I will only be content whenever he comes for me but Im even now having doubts about where he is and is there really life after death, Its been 2yrs &2 months since my husband suddenly pasted away. We are more aware of those around us and of what we no longer have like pouring salt into an open wound. Its true, I feel relief reading similar experiences. real visitors with unique IPs. God bless you. So I started dating. Still no cause has been found. We saw his body deteriorate the last 4 months and he held out for as long as he could for us. I lost the love of my life 13 months ago, suddenly of lung fibrosis. It has been 7 months and I feel so lost, lonely and scared. I sometimes now find it hard to walk down a street that holds. Eileen, I can relate to how you feel. We never thought this type of loss could happen to us. Dad has passed 18 mths now. June 24th will be 2 yrs sine my husband died. YouTube A body from the Dyatlov Pass incident. this is life what we deal with as best we can. I have no one else in this world. She would know it was no tribute to her love that I cease to even love myself and the precious moments of life I still have. Of course, other times the pain is raw and I can not imagine going forward without her. My son took me shopping after my husband died and there was almost nothing I could eat that didnt remind me of him. I lost my Dad in February of 2016. This friend just had to rub salt in the wounds when she observed you worked so hard to lose all that weight, and now its all come back. And while they still come, they come further apart. I was with him everyday and night for a month during transplant and then nine month later he went in with the infection and I stayed with him five days and nights. He was 64. I know exactly what you mean. We waited so long for each other. Especially the what ifs and could I have done more for him and remembering his courage during cancer treatment even at the time of his passing. Please, be sure and drink plenty of water and eat some. I feel as though I cant breathe, like it smothering me. I am afraid that if I dont learn to balance my grief with finding happiness I will jeopardize a future together. Please nothing matters anymore. I cant see how to live like this; no future. I never got a chance to grieve for my dog and now I was faced to grieve the both of them alone. It's been one year since we lost [name of person who passed]. I feel like if I move out and get my own place something new I may be able to. He fell and hit his head, passing away very suddenly. I have known no other life sin e I was 16. Hiya Holly. Thirty days later I lost my only sibling. Opened the door and he had passed during the night of a pulmonary embolism. I hope you have found your way I shed MANY tears. The what its are going to kill me. There is an acceptance of his loss that has begun to take root. Some are just better than others. I hv a beautiful daughter, but I want her 2 live, not burdened w/my emotions. Cry everyday and pray everyday for strength and hope. Ill NEVER see him again. But they didnt get chance to sell it before dad just suddenly fell and passed away. I dont want it and I envy those who die soon after their loved spouse passes. My father died in 2018, and I still grieve as if it just happened. My first year I believe I was totally in shock and family members kept me busy. I do not know what long enough means. The loss will always be in my shattered heart. I lost my HEART Dog Cody on May 22nd, he died unexpectedly. He did his nightly walked, went to the store and picked up milk and bread which he always does, before he left I asked him if I could come but he said no then he gave each of us a kissed on the forehead and said hell be right back, he then told me to get the kids in bed as there was school the next day. I felt relieved when he passed away, because I know he's not hurting anymore. In the months that followed my mom's death, I got my dream job writing about celebrity and pop culture at VH1, my boyfriend became my fianc, and I smiled through bridal showers and bachelorette parties for dear . Im 67 now. Mom was it. I feel hopeless and just want this horrible life to be over. tractable in google analytics This is quite normal as animals have qualities our fellow humans do not seem to indicate.Please refer to this link: https://thepetlosscenter.com/our-locations/hampton roads/. I been trying to get my life in order such as trying to find a job. She passed suddenly from a heart attack. We were together for 47 years he was my best friend. You are a child of the universe and have been left here for a reason. I am 41 years old and I lost my wife and 14 year old son in a car accident 17 months ago. Its impossible for other people to understand if they havent experienced this loss. Im so sorry for your losses. This makes me hurt even more I live now in constant prayer for my darling to be in the joyous comfort of our Father and Jesus and that when Father is ready, He will call me Home and reunite us together as He joined us together in 1980. I lost my husband 18 days before our 50th wedding anniversary. Blurry. I have to be strong for their children they left behind..they need me and i need them. Bless you, My daughter passed 1 year and a half ago and the pain is worse to me. Now. Dont blame yourself please. i can sit in front of tv for hours and not watch a single thing. Its horrific. Time Flies Quotes. You can use the IRS' Where's My Refund? She was my heart, my everything. Do I see a doctor, join an old unhappy womens group, I just want to be through being lonely and miserable.